Discovery discovers new ways to make the amazing boring

The Discovery Channel recently took time off from hawking paranormal junk to present a special on the latest human-evolution discovery, Ardi. I watched it and fell asleep before the first hour was over. Then, for a few minutes today, I Googled "Ardi" and "hominid" and had my basic questions answered. One of which was, "What about the missing link? Is it a myth?" Answer: yes. At least, the ape/human missing link science always expected to find. Seems human features independently emerged long before we thought, and in a branch separate from monkeys. (As if I had much of a clue about this topic.) The split happened way, way long ago.

Discovery addressed this, too, but almost by the by. They were too busy showing images of no particular interest by themselves (people sitting at tables, the sifting of dirt, etc.). And that was the chief problem with the first hour--the slow, go-nowhere pace. At 57:00:00., Bev said "Why don't you turn on the news?" I did. So I have no idea if the pace picked up at some point after that.

If anything ever cried out for a condensed narrative, the painstakingly slow and careful uncovering of ancient fossils would have to be it. Like so many modern documentaries, this thing played like a drawn-out teaser, with "What they would find next would challenge the foundation of everything"-style cliches every couple of minutes. Nothing helps a flat and slow-paced narrative like empty-calorie teasers. Ironically, this approach is part of modern TV's strategy of keeping people hooked every second of the way, the hope being to stay one step ahead of the action, telegraphing everything that can be telegraphed. Of course, this approach doesn't work when 1) there's no action to speak of and 2) highly detailed exposition is needed. Instead, we got smatterings of exposition mixed with film footage of people talking, looking at things, looking at things while talking, looking at things while not talking, and (exciting!) of stuff happening on computer screens. And what's more interesting in 2009 than PC-screen footage? Paint-drying documentaries? Toast-popping-up studies?

One hilarious moment almost made up for the deadness--it happened when Darwin was first mentioned and a rock/Disco beat started up. Prior to that moment, the soundtrack was all flute-and-percussion dawn-of-time music. But once things got to Darwin--rock and roll! Or at least Disco and roll! Since I didn't get to see the closing credits, I have no idea whether or not Dork Productions, Inc. had a hand in this.

Discovery might want to stick with morons-in-haunted-houses shows and leave science to PBS, which at least used to know how to present stuff like this. Maybe they've lost the knack. If that's the case, then the art of making interesting science interesting might be lost to TV.


Lee

Halloween 2009, Part 10--Big Bad Wolf, King Kong, The Voodoo Man!

Click here to hear: ZIP FILE NO LONGER AVAILABLE
SLAYLIST

SITTIN' BY SITTIN' BULL (J. Driftwood)--Eddy Arnold, 1959.
THE PURPLE PEOPLE EATER MEETS THE WITCH DOCTOR--Joe South, 1958.
THE THING (Grean)--Arthur Godfrey, 1950.
THE VOODOO MAN--Del Vikings w. Carl Stevens Orch., 1958.
THE BELLS--Billy Ward and His Dominoes, 1952.
BIG BAD WOLF (Bartel)--Don Cherry w. Ray Conniff Orch., 1958.
LAUGHING OVER MY GRAVE--Ray Stevens, 1964.
SURFIN' BIRD--Hit Parader Records 27
IT'S ABOUT TIME (Wylie-Schwartz-Fried)--Wade Denning and the Port Washingtons, 1966.
KING KONG--Wade Denning and the Port Washingtons, 1966.


Lee

Huff-Po asks the really important questions

"Megan Fox Gets Armani Gig, But Who's The Hottest Celeb Underwear Model Ever?"

Halloween 2009, Part 9: Hal-Lee-ween

So, there I was, posing in front of that haunted mansion, and up rises this mist. Or fog. Or an orb in progress. Or a ghost. Or a smudge on the lens.

Or maybe I had just said something, and the camera caught the last of the dialogue balloon as it faded away. That was probably it.

Today's spooky Leeworks put the "Lee" in Hal-Lee-Ween. You'll be hearing things I wrote recently, plus two from 2006--my Halloween Suite and Stairway to Godzilla.

And I've gotten a request (as in, single request) for my Christmas at Halloween suite, which I'll put up as soon as possible.

Notes: I recorded Ghostly Kitty Paws live (mic over the speaker) and made up each section in advance as I went along. When I got everything edited together, I heard this odd, ghostly noise in the background--low-volume wailing that really adds to the atmosphere. So, are we hearing EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomena) or me wheezing? Ragweed pollen was high that day, so it could be the latter, but I'll pretend this is the Discovery Channel, and so I'll say EVP.

The Ghost Train sound effects were just what I wanted, but I can't tell you how I got them--I don't remember. Probably a result of speeding up and re-resampling. It's all a blur. All I know is that I didn't get on board the ghost train. I wouldn't be here typing about it if I had.

Piano in Outer Space was Piano from Outer Space until I decided the former makes more sense. Missile in the Moon is about the recent missile-in-the-Moon mission by NASA, which I hope turns up a wealth of information about our only satellite. Science, for instance, has yet to explain why its "full" version turns some men into wolfmen. We deserve an answer, and we deserve it now.

Here's zip file No. 1: Halloween 2009, Part 9: Hal-Lee-ween

SLAYLIST--All written and programmed or performed by Lee Hartsfeld

(YOU DON'T WANT TO) GET ON BOARD THE GHOST TRAIN
GHOSTLY KITTY PAWS
MORBID MOMENTS
FOOD FIGHT IN SPACE
HALLOWEEN MARCH
PIANO IN OUTER SPACE
MISSILE IN THE MOON
STAIRWAY TO GODZILLA

And here's zip file No. 2: Halloween Suite (2006)--Lee Hartsfeld

SLAYLIST

Herrmannesque No. 1
Phone Calls from the Dead
Ghosts on the Loose
Herrmannesque No. 2



Lee

Halloween 2009, Part 8--Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, more.

Today's Halloween playlist features MY(P)WHAE seasonal standards. And, as is standard, I will point out that He's Going to Eat Me Up (a Jaws-era parody of They're Coming To Take Me Away), has an R-rated line near the end. It's meant as a pun, but even as such....

Just to let you know.

Somewhere, I have the Golden Records version of My Friend the Ghost, in which Gordon Polk sings different, kiddie-oriented lyrics. The background is the same, only edited down.

The background music for Suspense is from Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet ballet score. Aaaaaand... Bill Buchanan is one half of Buchanan and Goodman of The Flying Saucer fame. And of which Dickie Goodman is also half of. To the sounds....

Click here to hear: ZIP FILE NO LONGER AVAILABLE

SLAYLIST

SUSPENSE--Dickie Goodman, 1966.
THE NIGHT BEFORE HALLOWEEN--Bill Buchanan, 1962.
BEWARE--Bill Buchanan, 1962.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE--Music by De Vol, 1962.
HE'S GOING TO EAT ME UP--Napoleon XV Revue.
ZOMBI--The Montotones, 1958.
MY FRIEND THE GHOST--Tommy Dorsey O. featuring Gordon Polk, 1954.
MONKEY BUSINESS (Billy Sherrill)--Eddie Hill and Group, 1959.
FALL OF THE PLANET EARTH--The Moonbillies, 1960.
THE 'LECTRONIC BRAIN--The Moonbillies, 1960.


Lee

Peter Lupus presents... Halloween 2009, Part 7!

A post-Mission-Impossible Peter Lupus on stage in Cactus Flower at the Carousel Dinner Theatre in Ravenna, Ohio in 1974. But you knew that. The same year, Peter Lupus starred in five installments of the radio drama Zero Hour (a.k.a. Hollywood Radio Theatre), which was hosted by a post-Twilight-Zone Rod Serling and which featured theme music performed by a post-Exodus Ferrante and Teicher. We start with that Ferrante and Teicher track, which appeared under the title Try Again on their 1973 LP, Killing Me Softly.

That was the blog introduction that I've lived to write.

After an opening like that, things can only get more conventional. And they do, sort of--Lawrence Welk playing highly-60's arrangements of the themes from The Addams Family and Bewitched. Ferrante and Teicher playing a funk version of Also Sprach Zarathustra (music that cries out for a dance beat). The theme from The Man of a Thousand Faces, the 1957 alleged bio-pic of Lon Chaney, Sr., which turns out to be Chopin's 4th Prelude (and a lovely mood music version thereof). And Lalo Schifrin's tacky The Haunting, inspired by (i.e., did not appear in the soundtrack of) the 1963 movie. The remake of that thing, by the way, was possibly the least intelligent update of any movie at any time. Sort of like a four-year-old's impression of the film and/or book, complete with costly "special" effects.

Then there's my own Galaxies in Collision, all of whose effects were created by manipulating Casio CTK-551 sounds. And there's a rip of Quentin's Theme from Dark Shadows, as played by Mantovani on an off-center pressing of The World of Mantovani. The effect is interesting, with the strings cascading and wowing at the same time. (Wowing?)

The Scarecrows is from a dance-class LP called The Magic Garden (Hector Records). I don't know about you, but dance-class records are the first places I check for Halloween selections. No, not really, but it worked out this time. I found a Christmas selection, too. Halloween is happening at MY(P)WHAE.

Click here to hear: ZIP FILE NO LONGER AVAILABLE

SLAYLIST

TRY AGAIN (THEME FROM HOLLYWOOD RADIO THEATRE) (Hoffman)--Ferrante and Teicher, 1973.
ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA (Arr: F&T)--Ferrante and Teicher, 1973.
THEME FROM THE ADDAMS FAMILY (Mizzy)--Lawrence Welk, 1965.
THEME FROM BEWITCHED (Greenfield-Keller)--Same.
THEME FROM MAN OF A THOUSAND FACES (Chopin-Skinner)--Wayne King O., 1958.
THE SCARECROWS (Skilling)--Robert Skilling.
QUENTIN'S THEME (Cobert)--Mantovani, 1969.
HUSH...HUSH SWEET CHARLOTTE--Al Martino, 1964.
GALAXIES IN COLLISION (Hartsfeld)--Lee Hartsfeld, 2009.
ILIA'S THEME FROM STAR TREK--THE MOTION PICTURE (Goldsmith)--Andre Kostelanetz, 1980.
THE HAUNTING (Schifrin)--Lalo Schifrin and His Orch., 1963.
MARCH OF THE LUNATICS (Pennario)--Leonard Pennario X2, 1960.

Lee

Sunday morning gospel will return...

...next week, more gospel-y than ever.

In other news, Obama plans to do something. Whoa. This could be the start of a trend, maybe? Or just more of the same?

The great Michael Moore rightly (well, leftly) took Obama to task in a Huffington Post column, and then (under pressure from Mrs. Moore) he took it back in typical maybe-I-spoke-too-soon fashion.

And I've always wanted to type "typical maybe-I-spoke-too-soon fashion." That's another one I can cross off the list.

Typical for liberals, I mean. Being liberal means always having to say you're sorry. Repeat after me: "I'm sorry I spoke up. I won't do it again. Ever. And, if I do, I'll think it over and decide I shouldn't have." Say it with feeling and sincerity or else Mitch McConnell will breathe on you.

Anyway, Michael decided (or his wife did--not sure) that, in criticizing the President for lack of action, he's aiding the right. No, he isn't. First off, there's a difference between criticizing the President (as Michael did in his first post) and trashing him (as many are devoting tons of time and money to doing). And I'm not about to let the birthers and the "you lie"-ers take away my right to criticize a President from my own party and whom I voted for. We allow every "dialogue" in America have its tone, content, and direction dictated by those who don't want dialogue or debate, and we should stop doing that. In fact, I'm sure that my writing this post will have a real effect on the situation. In fact, I'll bet it's stopped right now.

Hm. No, it hasn't. Okay, give it a day or so.

More Halloween music to come. In fact, a bunch of tracks are in holding. They're all crying to see the light of blog ("Release ussssss! Release ussss!!!"). I can hear them as they chant. Obviously, I didn't get enough sleep last night--I'm hallucinating.


Lee